If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
