i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
How external is "for external use only"?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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