Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
