Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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