so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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