the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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