ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
