When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
