Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
