i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
