So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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