No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
