I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
