is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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