Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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