A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
