They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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