Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
