You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
