It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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