At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
do nipples grow back?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
