i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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