She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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