I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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