I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
