I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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