be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
