so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
