It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
