is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
