absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
