tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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