Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
