The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
