Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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