My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
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