he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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