so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We need a shit load of segways right now
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
