Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
