That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize