Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
