That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
