if i can run in heels then i can drive
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
