You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
