so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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