Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Randomize