Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
