somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize