cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
