Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
