Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
