There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
BRING THE BAGELS
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize