Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
