sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just blew my weed a kiss
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
