i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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