no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just want nice things and good sex
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
