Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
