We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
