Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
