I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
