u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
