all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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