but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My ass is underappreciated
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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