I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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