I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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