I feel like abortions should bother me more
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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