I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
