office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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